Its been awhile! In my defense ha, I did not have high speed before, but do now! Can more easily log in now.Much catching up to do, much endeavor to try to get back into a writing mood. So a little of several topics might be a good starter.
Today is Nityananda's Appearance Day! All Glories to the most merciful Lord Nityananda! Since I've described this holiday in the past, if interested, go to: tinyurl.com/lzp2ek8 Maybe after this entry. Hey, I need to feel someone's reading in order to get my mo-jo going. :)
So a little bit of this and that, what's on my mind? Hmmm
First: The following was in reference to yahoo groups, but thy no longer exist. However, maybe someone needs the following link, so I leave this here. ... If font is so tiny that you better not be disabled or elderly, ill, or have vision issues, cuz you are cut out of the picture. Discovered a way to fix that for blogs at least. To adjust font is explained here: tinyurl.com/kp3bujw ]
Next topic. I want to garden, plant things. It's winter! A very cold one. And I am fried, being inside this much. So are most. On fb a godsister put a pic of a computer upload of Spring - that failed. ha There's also a pic I saved last winter when going thru a similar thing. Its of a woman out in the coldest of winter, wearing a sun hat and light summer dress, shovel in hand, mounds of snow, and the caption: "Forget this! I'm gardening!" Love it! :) Can relate. I find myself looking at lush pictures in herb catalogs, dreaming of my future summer garden. It does help. I start mapping in my head, where I shall plant what. But have now done enough of that and wish it were Spring when I look out my window.
Yet now another subject. I've been reflecting: How on earth was I so lucky to become a devotee? That is, my godsisters seem to do so much more service than I ever did. They also seem to be more surrendered and renounced than I am. [Not that I am the opposite, just am not like them.] Others seem to function better in groups of devotees - I seem to do poorly in such groups but much better privately. I could go on with this list, but realized the details are not that important. I simply do not know, karmically at least, how I become a devotee.
Oh sure, I know how I walked in the front door, :-) and how I loved the BTG's back in the 70s. And those books, oh so pretty and wise! But some things, well recently newer devotees have asked me some intense questions, and I DO know their answer, but can see how I might have had the exact same doubts had I not joined when I did, heard from the right persons, lived in the temple or on property at that particular time. Like them, there were topics I once took issue with, but now 30 years later, I "get it." And realize certain subject matter about our path is often initially misunderstood because this is a very complex or spiritually high philosophy requiring help understanding variegated points.
That, and Prabhupada, being a pure devotee, well it must have been difficult for his sublime mind to come down to our level a bit and explain things in ways we could relate. And may be why he said, after reading the translation and purport in class, we should next speak our own realizations and comprehensions. I suspect this is cuz we can preach to each other since we can relate to each other during these times.
Well, then comes in an issue of dealing with ego. But lets not go there. At least not now. ha I am just compiling all that went on to get me where I am. Sometimes I have to stop in awe of the mercy of both Krishna, and the pure devotee Srila Prabhupada, that somehow or other, helped my external circumstances to direct me here: the Krishna Consciousness Movement.
Sometimes when I feel devotees are getting pushy with me or expecting more than I am capable of [like "Lets chant 64 rounds today!" Which I think is great, don't get me wrong - but how will I clean the house or take care of family? :) ] it makes me want to run, or stay but feel sad inside. Yet other times I love so many aspects of Krishna Consciousness that I want to go to India and do them all. ha Tho that is unlikely, but hey, a girl can dream can't she? Ok make that old foggie. And I know many of them can be done at home. Easier in India tho. My bad. ha
I do believe Krishna helped bring me to the Movement, thru Jesus in my case. To those of other [bona-fide] religions, we respect all, and you too may have been directed by the spiritual teacher of your path. Just that for me, it was Jesus.
[Before I start receiving emails from fundamentalist Christians in an attempt to convert me, considering that HAS been attempted more than once, don't bother. I have not converted in over 40 years of your efforts.]
To continue...I remember sitting in church, a young teenager. After the spoken prayer we next were given time to pray silently. I asked Jesus to let me know: "Who is God?" I really wanted to know, so repeatedly asked Christ to direct me. Actually I also prayed this at home, when sometimes I'd say bedtime prayers. [I was not trained I had to do that, it was a choice I added on my own. Thus, a sometimes thing.]
Taking into consideration that I prayed this prayer a lot, IMHO I believe Jesus had a hand in directing me to Krishna and to Srila Prabhupada. Christ answered my prayers! And Jesus is son of God / Krishna. No conflict, only harmony.
Yet, how I got here? Mercy! Kindness. Love. Direction.
How I stayed? God only knows. lol Kidding. Things have not always been easy for me, I won't pretend. But still I am here, cuz Krishna is my anchor, cuz His bliss is felt. It's not a blind belief system, its tangible. When anyone feels down, if they approach Krishna, the spirit will lift.
Ok, we're all human so what about the times it doesn't lift?
That can get complicated to answer, such figuring out where you contribute to your own 'stuff' and where you don't, OR what new action we need to take that will create change in or life, simultaneously wise enough to first make sure it's safe and functional. Or if there is clinical depression going on, or lesser but just as important, emotional issues. Oh so many more can be added to this list. But it's not that type of blog entry. You can and should get that info somewhere. Here, the main subject matter is spiritual info.
That regardless of how we feel, we can still connect with God, and keep on keepin on.
I may have related this story before, but it merits repetition. :) When I was a child, my grandma who raised a bunch of kids, told me: "
"No matter what time of day it is, no matter how many chores or who is wanting you to do something, if you feel a need for God, throw your apron over your head, drop to your knees, and pray!"
At the time I was quite young, it was just a passing day, normal conversation. No big deal. Little did I know how powerfully these words would stick with me, and to me! It's inside me now, and now I know, we may feel good, we may feel bad, but as long as we take out even a little time to connect to God / Krishna, God will connect with us too.
Philosophically it sounds right to me also. But how I became a devotee? Just don't know exactly. When I see or hear of the many in-depth and surrendered programs other devotees are doing, I tend to run away form. Not offensively! I admire them. Still, I'm unable to recognize, or find, how I got to this space in my life. But am grateful for it. Hmmm When God gives us something, I guess we don't always have to understand it, we just have to use it.
I love being a devotee, the lifestyle, the rare knowledge, the havans, the colors, flowers, scents, of course Krishna! I love it all, with no interest in ever changing to any other religion or spiritual path. My hope is that someday I can increase, peacefully. Key word: Peacefully. :)
