Empty Feelings Become Filled

                                   Empty Feelings Become Filled

I am on fb. Before that, yahoogroups. And prior to that, a couple of hubs or social networks. One thing I like about these are the positive quotes and memes, along with beautiful pics - that are so uplifting. 

Simultaneously, without the bliss of God in my life, they would feel empty and somewhat useless. I know this for a fact, for myself anyway. You see, my innocent mom, sometimes she'd try to encourage me with the idea of imagining pretty flowers, or how much she loved this simple singer trio. All of which did nothing for me. 

Trying to feel happiness merely over pretty things, is one reason I left home [at legal age]. Back than, it was somewhat intense for a female to move out and go off on their own. Though it was starting to happen, many still expected their daughters to stay with them until marriage. But I left to attend college, and seek more. No one at home could satisfy me, not even about stars in the sky. Oh they were fascinating, but with limited knowledge, they were insufficient.  Later as a devotee, I discovered 'Vedic' or Jyotish Astrology. :) When correctly learned, that is connected to God. It also is no longer as important to me as direct Krishna Consciousness,  though it has it's place.

Anyhow, during my youth and journey of discovery, myself and a group of friends met a man who wore a turban and dressed all in white. He did arotika's to Lord Shiva. I did not know what to call it at the time, and never made it to his arotika's since they were early in the morning. However, my roommate attended, and told me all about it. She expressed how cool it was that he was offering incense and ringing bells. That grabbed my interest! But also, I was not quick to go along. I needed more information. He had to leave, so that was that. 

Another time there was a flyer taped to a lamppost announcing that Maharishi was coming to town. I wanted to go, but it cost more than a mere college student could afford. [I was living paycheck to paycheck]. My friend said that she was sure this is something I would want to attend! I told her she was correct, but ...no monies. 

Fast forward a bit, I got a BTG, an NOD, read them [a lot went on in the middle here - but simplified....] and moved into the temple ashrama. Thank you Krishna! 

So now, I can read a positive meme, or look at a beautiful painting of flowers or etc, and feel uplifted. But before I became a devotee, it did not do much for me. Oh, it did something, of course. It was nice. Matter of fact, I loved flowers back than. But it did not fill the void. There was something missing with 'only' those.  

Hmmm How do I express this feeling? Well, it felt like white-washing, or suppressing, or maybe they just did not know the answers. However, that still felt as if something sickening sweet was being used that keep one in the dark. 

A way to further explain this feeling is that, if someone, including a child, had a philosophical question and were told to just go look at the flowers, relax with the clouds in the sky, and so on - it leaves one with a strange feeling - at best. Kind of "blah."

No, my mom was not the source of this. Actually, she tried to answer my spiritual questions. I remember being a child, sitting in the backseat of the car, and asking my parents:  "Where is God?" That surprised them. ha. They briefly talked, and my mother replied: "Oh God is everywhere." I said: "Where? I don't see Him." She said: "He's in the trees, just everywhere." So I looked out the window of the car. Even tho I could not see God in the grass or trees :) it was a good, philosophical answer. Though that's all that could be given to me.

As I've mentioned in the past so won't go too into it, I was raised Christian. Shouldn't that have filled me? It helped, but no, it was insufficient. It did not offer much of a real or daily process on how to connect with God, or how to live a life in consciousness of God. Mostly faith, an occasional prayer, and Bible reading - which was hard to understand as a teenager.

Anyhow, once I added Krishna according to Prabhupada's method, everything became complete. I felt fulfilled. And the flowers now are even more beautiful. They are the artwork of Krishna! Tho I still don't like my mothers music ha, but respect it and her choice.

I write this post in part because I don't want anyone else to miss out, as it is common for adults to think that which is sattvic or in the mode of goodness such as flowers - to be sufficient, only to leave themselves or child shortchanged. Please add Krishna to your life in whatever capacity you can, and allow yourself to feel the completeness increase. Share Him with your children / grandchildren in a blissful way so that in addition to giving them a connection with God that is easy, they can also appreciate the beauty around them, because without Krishna being consciously recognized as the cause / artist of that, goodness alone is not enough. It may even become boring. Dull. It can actually put a damper on imagination and creativity. Just blah.

Srila Prabhupada has explained that the mode of goodness or Sattva, can be used as a stepping stone toward spiritual life, but it is not in and of itself, spiritual life.

With the recent passing of my husband, I am more and more thankful to have found Krishna the Supreme Personality of Godhead. No one lives forever. We plan for college funds, we make medical plans or join HMO's, we buy Life Insurance. But do we cross our fingers and hope for the best when it comes to the temporariness of this life? We need to buy Soul Insurance. :) And it's free.

In addition to any other plans, let us also make a plan to keep Krishna in our life, in our homes.  Who knows what is next in this yuga/age. A few days or so prior to this posting, there was Hurricane Helene. Some even died as a result. :(  It appears as if every time I turn around, it's something. 

Of course there are good things going on, without a doubt. And lots of it. Simply goodness alone - gardens and flowers and even the stars - do not offer the full impact of their beauty when Krishna is left out. Draw Him in. :) Chant, and be happy.

My Husband Died

The Passing Of Vishoka Dasa

It has been awhile since I blogged. There is a reason for that. My husband had a terminal illness which I didn't want to bother others about, thus didn't mention here. (It effected the entire family). Now he has passed. sigh Even saying /typing that is difficult. Therefore, so I won't have to compose more on the topic, here is what I wrote on a devotee grief group:

I have been wanting to post, but don't know if I will be able to express myself properly, or avoid tears. Of course, I know the Grieving Processes is important. 

The main Tribute to my husband, Vishoka dasa, is on my fb wall. Here I will write a few personal details I have not yet shared with very many.

My husband has been fighting Parkson's a long time. He has been in and out of hospitals, and in and out of nursing homes temporarily until he could stand and come home. He has also been at deaths door 3 times prior, and surprised everyone by living. Once the doctors said he lost more blood than a human body can stand to loose and will die. He survived. 

Basically that happened 3 times, so when it happened again recently, we said: "He can surprised you." 

Admittedly I was in more denial than my daughter tho.  I kept thinking/hoping we could heal him to some degree.

This is getting hard to write so I'm just going to sum up the main part as best I can manage.

When he was sent home to ... pass over... I told myself he could still make it if we only did this or that. But it did not work, and may have added to my shock. 

The night before he left this world, his caretaker, nurse, also becoming a devotee - came over. I was in LaLa Land thinking how peaceful he looked. My daughter suggested she shave him up, and she agreed.  I wrapped more beads around his neck. The caretaker had already, a couple days prior, put his hand in his beadbag with his beads. We had a Prabhupada Box loaned to us and kept it playing constantly, and another devotee told me to open a Bhagavatam over his head which I did.

Then the caretaker hugged me and tears started to roll down her face. I said: "Wait, you are a nurse, you have more knowledge of these things than I do. Will he make it thru the night?" She said she did not know for sure but he could. I hung on tightly to the 'he could.' Me and my idealism. sigh 

He did survive the night. In the morning my daughter gave him his medicine,  went home [across the street], came back to check on him some hours later. She saw & checked, ran downstairs screaming: "Dad's dead!" We both burst out screaming and crying. 

But then she said she wasn't fully sure cuz he felt warm, but she could not detect breathing. So of course I went to figure it out. One arm was warm while the other cold. So as I learned with my babies, I wet my finger, put it under his nose to feel breath. There wasn't any.

My daughter called Hospice who got there rather fast, and they declared him as gone. 

I did not know it was NarasimhaDeva's Appearance Day. I made a mistake the day before looking at the wrong calendar or wrong time zone etc. Thought he missed it by one day. 

First his caretaker told me she thought it was the day he passed. Next an online old devotee friend told me, then an astrologer assured me, plus I looked it up again on the right calendar or time zone - yes, it was Narasimhadeva's Appearance Day! 

What relief this brought! 

Yet, still the tears fall, still the feeling a knife has been plunged into my gut. Logically I know this will pass in time, but wish I were one of those spiritually advanced people who could just be happy about it all coming together as it did. I tend to wonder what more I could have done, or should have done, or etc etc etc. 

This is a shortened version of it all, as this was a long-suffering disease, so the main points have been made. And all I can write at the moment. More is on my fb wall. Thanks for listening. Hare Krishna. 

YS, 

Priitaa dd

           And this is the Tribute I posted to my fb wall:

My husband Vishoka dasa left his body/died Wednesday May 22, 2024, in the morning. This has been hard on me; so for that, and other reasons, I am posting it a few days later. 

He departed from this world on a most auspicious day - LORD NARASIMHADEVA'S APPEARANCE DAY! 

While we were shocked and sad he left, we are relieved it happened on this most wonderful, spiritual day! 

Vishoka joined the Hare Krishna Movement in the Berkley temple California. He is an initiated disciple of Srila Prabhupada. Later he went to New Dwarka/L.A. where we met and married.

He was an artist at FATE Studios, a project funded by Amberish Dasa/Alfred Ford. Prabhupada wanted this project.  I will put a link to it below. [My husband is not in the link but it's a lovely article about FATE Museums].

Vishoka loved to write. He composed a few books, and some blogs. Two books were about Jayananda Prabhu. 

Vishoka also opened a yahoo group to glorify Srila Prabhupada. It went on for approximately 20 years. 

Edited: Adideva just reminded me how Vishoka use to make  GouraNitai deities and distributed Them - one set to Russia.

There is surely more he did but I can't think of it right now. This is at least a good summary.

Some will ask the cause of death, so briefly it was Parkinsons. 

Vishoka had 2 children and 3 grandchildren. And me as wife.

He left his body with Srila Prabhupada chanting, and Srimad Bhagavatam opened and above his head. 

I am trying to leave my emotions out of what I'm writing, but of course I am upset at this time. Yet logically and spiritually I know he is doing well now. That was one of my big worries. Prabhupada's teachings are my saving grace. And his. All glories to Srila Prabhupada! All glories to Lord Narasimhadeva! 

Please don't ask me questions but DO send mantra for my husband, Vishoka dasa. Thank you and Hare Krishna.

F.A.T.E. - First American Theistic Exhibition

Vishoka's Blog: 

Vishoka's fb post about his friend Kushakrata prabhu:  

Who Is Lord NarasimhaDeva? And what does He have to do with Lord Krishna?

Catholic, Protestant, and Hare Krishna

It's been awhile since I posted! Wew! :) What can I say but my life has been keeping me super busy. Yet, it is time. 

Now isn't youtube a fun place to go? You click on one video - after that tons of that topic come up over and over. ha I watched one video by Catholics, and now youtube's algorhythm thinks I am one, or want to become one. :) It's showing me video option after video option of various Catholic topics, from pro to against.

Fine. My curiosity was up. I wanted to get to the root of the matter. What is the first ever Christian religion? This is what I asked myself. And felt it is probably the Catholic religion. So, I googled it. 

The answer is, yes, and no. :)

I will keep this as short as humanly possible, because my goal is not to promote, nor put down, Catholicism, nor Protestantism, nor anyone. 

According to Catholics, their religion is the original of all Christian religions. It started when Christ left this world and ascended, or at Pentecost. One of his disciples became the first pope, and their lineage has maintained ever since.  Sounds nice.  But is it accurate?

Protestants claim it is not. That different Christian sects popped up prior to Roman Catholicism, and that the Pagan religion was the religion of those times. Christianity was punished. Centuries later, Emperor Constantine, a Pagan, developed interest in Christianity. Though politically motivated, a way he was able to convert many Pagans as well as make Christianity acceptable and not punishable by law - was to merge the two paths as one. And that is why they claim there are so many Catholic rituals.

On youtube we have Protestants yelling the Catholics are lying and going to hell, and Catholics sternly voicing against fallen Protestant's deviating ways into Purgatory. :) 

Well, I looked at a few. Not all but a few, and some of the conclusions I have arrived at are given in this blog post. 

Catholics believe the status of Jesus is part Divine and part human. Protestants believe Jesus is only Divine. Both can be variegated truths. In this case I side more with the Catholic's because it sounds similar to ShaktyaveshAvatara, a highly exalted position as part Divine and part empowered pure human. And that is exactly how Prabhupada describes Jesus! 

However, to readers who are Protestants, please don't feel bad or left out. To approach Jesus as solely Divine is not going to hurt anyone. After all, his vapu or earth body has disappeared, and he is now only spiritual.  

Next, Catholics have many saints you can pray to for help. Protestants believe you do not need anyone other than Jesus. This time I lean toward the Protestant belief that we only need pray to God/Krishna, and no one else. Yet, there's no harm in praying to (qualified) saints or pure devotees for help. Of course, there must not be demigod worship/praying.

Protestant's criticism of Catholics praying to Mother Mary, and criticism of viewing her as Divine, needs revamping. Srila Prabhupada has explained that the Virgin Mary is energy of Radharani, so the Catholics get this one. :)

"Mary is the representation of the energy of God. Either as internal energy Radharani or as external energy Durga, the energy of Godhead can be considered the mother of the living entities."  - SP letter to Sivananda, New York 19 April, 1968  

Next, the Catholic's believe Jesus is God. Christ states throughout the Bible that he is "son" of God, not God. I suppose man needs a face, and not knowing Who that is, they try to make it Christ. Ok, there are other reasons. However, it does touch on the need for Personalism. Nirvisesa-sunyavadi-pascatya or impersonalism and voidism can annoy or frustrate a seeker. Thus, if an identity is not given, man just may assign one. Anyway, Jesus says in the Bible John 6:38 that he came “not to do my own will but the will of him who sent me.” In another verse while praying in the garden, Christ points out there is Someone superior to him that he is speaking/praying to: “not my will, but yours be done.” Luke 22:42   And one I like because I feel it gets right to the matter, is where Jesus says:  "The Father is greater than I." - John 14:28   There is much argumentation on this topic among Christians, Theologists,  and some Philosophers. Since our scripture can be traced back in time to it's origin (God), devotees take the Vedas as the final authority. Thus we know Jesus to be Son of God. Bas.

There is one issue I have and do not know where to place it on this blog post, so this spot has been elected. :) And that is, in Catholicism women can only become Nun's, and a Nun gets married to Jesus. I find that odd but somehow they are ok with marrying Jesus. Years ago I read that the reason for this requirement originated eon's back, when women wanted to join the church. Authorities felt females could not handle it without a husband. Therefore, they decided to have her become the Bride Of Christ.  Instead, these ladies should be allowed to become full-fledged Priests. Prabhupada instructed that women/disciples can become priests, they can go on the altar, they can give class, they can perform any and all Brahmanical /Priestly duties. 

With that said, in many cases there is too much disagreement between Catholics and Protestants over smaller issues, that nevertheless have a positive spiritual effect on a person. 

For example, Baptism. In Baptist churches and some other denominations, they insist it is not in the Bible for babies and must be a conscious choice by an adult. Sounds ok, but no harm in mom and dad benefiting by bringing baby in for Baptism and starting to set their child on a path, IMHO only. 

Other Protestant churches insist one must be submerged for Baptism to count, not a sprinkling of Holy Water over the head. Do they think God cares about such things? Details, fanatism. Do what you believe in, but don't judge others choices. Both are equally good. Some might claim I am saying do your own thing and ignore scripture, regarding this or other parts of this post. No. What I am saying is do it sanely, and do it within practicality.

Now, Confirmation in Catholic Churches, Catechism, and  various rituals are criticized by Protestants. Yet, they appear harmless, and if they make a person feel and behave spiritual, why not. 

There is criticism [overreaction] regarding the use of incense. According to one set of Protestants, the Bible says Frankincense etc is only meant for God, not for the priests or people. Now, sure, it is for offering to God. But how can you do that and not smell it yourself - or have the congregation avoid the scent? Is everyone to hold their nose? ha Or is their solution not to use it at all. In which case, how or when does it get offered to God - never? A bunch of silly questions, no answer is expected. And maybe it has something to do with the specific way Catholics are offering it, I really don't know such details. We offer incense in our temple rooms - to God. What wafts your way, or to the priest, is considered "prasadam," something all ready touched by God. He's fast & done with it, thus it's fully spiritual.   

My husband was raised in the Church of Christ. He said Church Authorities use to argue over whether the Communion wafer is suppose to be heard when it is broken, or not heard when it is broken. Really? Are these OCDish fanaticisms going to get us back to God, or get God to favor us more? [Rhetorical]. 

Some Christians will claim the reason for looking into various details is to get it right, exactly how God wanted; and if that is not done it does not count, or worse, is an offense. My opinion, to take or leave, is that when so much of the Bible has been changed or lost or with many different versions - God would be far more interested in your sincerity than fanatism. Fanaticism can be a symptom of self-righteousness. Not always, but often enough. Though anyone can change who desires that change. 

So much fighting over small things that won't harm, and often will benefit the doer who is of sound mind, following honestly, and means it within their heart.

In the same letter quoted above, Prabhupada further explains: "But there is no clash between the Bible and the Vedas, simply some people formulate their personal ideas and cause quarrelings." SP letter to Sivananda, New York 19 April, 1968  

What I found interesting, is that when I traced the roots of these religions, they had so much in common with Krishna Consciousness. Both Protestant's and Catholics believe in the worship of One Supreme God, so do we. Both believe in singing God's glories, we do too. Both believe in offering prayer to God, we also believe in vandanam or prayer. The list can go on! Why? Because ultimately every bonafide religion came from the same one God; some have just become watered down or changed over time. Much has been lost.

Briefly: This is why we must make sure there are no changes to Prabhupada's books! Look at all the changes to the Bible. Do you really want that to happen to us? (Rhetorical.) Help support the maintaining of his originals by only buying, only reading, Prabhupada's  unchanged, unedited books please. See link below.

Now yes, I'm going to take this roots concept the extra mile. :) I feel if we traced back even further, we would find the Vedas.  After all, Pagan rites and Catholic rites or rituals, even some basic Christian rituals - are similar to the Veda's. 

Some Christian faiths detest the whole concept of a ritual, viewing it as evil or satanic. I'm tired of that, and wish to clear up this issue. Even gathering together for a child's birthday party, lighting candles, and singing "Happy Birthday" is a ritual. They should not think they do not do rituals. Eliminating the word from their vocabulary does not eliminate the fact that they include rituals in their life. 

Attending sports events and rooting for a team, is a ritual. Celebrating Christmas is a ritual. Ever go to a Rock Concert? Ritual. Exchanging marriage vows is a ritual. Attend a funeral? Yes, that's a ritual. Watch Presidential Inaugurations on tv? You're watching a ritual. March in a parade or with a band or festively observe it? Ritual. Celebrate your grown child graduating High-School? Ritual. Attend or Christen a baby? It is still a ritual. 

On and on this list goes, because humans love rituals! And while we need to make sure it's aim is going to the right place, did one ever wonder if the reason nobody has been able to stamp out rituals for eons, or the reason people love them - is because God put that desire inside of us so we could use it to sing etc for Him? Plus, rituals are healthy, as they relieve stress, increase connections [be it with people or with God], and bring a sense of stability. 

What needs to be understood is that intent is important. Is the ritual to worship evil, or God? If it is for God but you disagree, at least remove it from the category of evil. It's one thing to have an opinion, but stop calling it satanic. Geesh. Show respect to those who worship God differently. So please Protestants, with all due respect, do not put all rituals into one category. 

Though will add, in Krishna Consciousness you can have ritual, or NOT have ritual. Both are accepted ways to worship. Because spiritual life is facilitated for all types of persons. Matter of fact, simply sing or pray the Holy Names daily, follow the lifestyle, and that is all you need.

Anyhow, we can note similarities in the rituals of Catholics and Protestants. They even have a lot in common to Vedic rituals and belief's. Why? Jesus went to India, which makes sense as he was drawn to spiritual places. Some do not like to hear he went there.  It's easier to call it a hoax than to accept. Recently I read one site claiming he never visited India, that they proved it through scholars, people with PhD's. Therefore, I listened/read. It was stated that the "Christian belief" is Jesus stayed with his parents in his town until he started preaching. I did not find that very convincing. And, you're not a good Christian if you have a different belief? Hmmm Moreover, he was fully grown, also a Missionary by nature - yet doesn't move his feet and get started sooner?  Nah. Other Christians may have different beliefs about that time period, but when I realized many were improvising stories to fit their comfort zone, I stopped looking. (By the way, I know there are some open minded, wonderful Christians out there who do not blindly follow or create stories to fill their needs.)

How did Jesus end up in a Vedic scripture called the BhavishyaPurana if he didn't go to India? :)  And he studied in Puri with the priests. Vedic India existed prior to the origins of Christianity or Catholicism, therefore it seems logical he would go check it out. And, none of that is to knock any of them. Just historical facts, which shows a thread of commonality.

"I have yet many things to say unto you, but ye cannot bear them now." - John 16:12, King James Bible

A while back, I attended our RathaYatra parade. An older woman walked up to me and asked: "Do you believe in Jesus?" And I replied: "Yes." She said then everything is ok, and walked away, satisfied. What a sweet lady. But some actually get angry we believe in Jesus because it is not their way. I see videos on youtube of that nature, and I refuse to click on them because I know it will be more about them spewing hatred and fanaticism, and not about getting to the facts. 

Therefore, can we really blame some Hindu's for disliking Christianity? To my Hindu friends I pointed out that a lot of what I learned in Sunday School and in Church, helped me become a devotee of Krishna.  Everything comes from God/Krishna. Christianity included.  Additional reasons why some Hindus do not like Christianity, to make a long story short: When the British went to India, Hindu's were open to them and welcoming. That was met with put downs, trickery, invasion and attempts at a take over. As a direct result, these days it is hard to get in the door of Jagannatha Puri temple if you are not Indian. Not to belabor this topic, just to explain it. Therefore, moving on...

Years ago I read a rather fascinating article. Summarized: A Jewish elderly man somehow or other had this old clock he cherished. A middle aged Christian man began to have memory of a past life. He was Jewish in that life, and said the clock was his. This was a rather lengthy article with a few twists and turns, but it really did sound like that clock had belonged to him. He wanted it back. The man who had it was Hasidic Jewish, so I thought, "Forget it, he's not going to return that clock to a Christian." I am happy to have been wrong. Yes, the lovely Jewish gentleman said the clock belonged to the Christian man, and returned it. Why mention this in the midst of Catholicism or Protestant discussions? 

How many times do we want to die, take birth, die again, get born again - hop from this religion to that religion? Krishna Consciousness is not a religion, because religion can be changed. Even God, or else the laws of nature, can change it on ya, as we see with the two gentlemen above. However, Krishna Consciousness is a yoga. Sure, it can be practiced as a religion, but Prabhupada came to the West to teach the "highest" thus most transcendental form of it, also known as "Bhakti Yoga." Yoga means to yoke up to, or connect with God! Bhakti means love and devotion to God. Life is getting short, this time period of Kali yuga is progressing, don't come back to get a clock. And do meet everyone in the Spiritual Sky. But no waiting necessary to taste spiritual bliss. Start chanting Hare Krishna and be happy right now. Just say it (& mean it). Hare Krishna!  :) <3 

          RESOURCES:

HOME ALTAR - How To Create Your Very Own,

For the Original, Unchanged Books, go here.

How To Use Your Home Altar, here.