Empty Feelings Become Filled
Simultaneously, without the bliss of God in my life, they would feel empty and somewhat useless. I know this for a fact, for myself anyway. You see, my innocent mom, sometimes she'd try to encourage me with the idea of imagining pretty flowers, or how much she loved this simple singer trio. All of which did nothing for me.
Trying to feel happiness merely over pretty things, is one reason I left home [at legal age]. Back than, it was somewhat intense for a female to move out and go off on their own. Though it was starting to happen, many still expected their daughters to stay with them until marriage. But I left to attend college, and seek more. No one at home could satisfy me, not even about stars in the sky. Oh they were fascinating, but with limited knowledge, they were insufficient. Later as a devotee, I discovered 'Vedic' or Jyotish Astrology. :) When correctly learned, that is connected to God. It also is no longer as important to me as direct Krishna Consciousness, though it has it's place.
Anyhow, during my youth and journey of discovery, myself and a group of friends met a man who wore a turban and dressed all in white. He did arotika's to Lord Shiva. I did not know what to call it at the time, and never made it to his arotika's since they were early in the morning. However, my roommate attended, and told me all about it. She expressed how cool it was that he was offering incense and ringing bells. That grabbed my interest! But also, I was not quick to go along. I needed more information. He had to leave, so that was that.
Another time there was a flyer taped to a lamppost announcing that Maharishi was coming to town. I wanted to go, but it cost more than a mere college student could afford. [I was living paycheck to paycheck]. My friend said that she was sure this is something I would want to attend! I told her she was correct, but ...no monies.
Fast forward a bit, I got a BTG, an NOD, read them [a lot went on in the middle here - but simplified....] and moved into the temple ashrama. Thank you Krishna!
So now, I can read a positive meme, or look at a beautiful painting of flowers or etc, and feel uplifted. But before I became a devotee, it did not do much for me. Oh, it did something, of course. It was nice. Matter of fact, I loved flowers back than. But it did not fill the void. There was something missing with 'only' those.
Hmmm How do I express this feeling? Well, it felt like white-washing, or suppressing, or maybe they just did not know the answers. However, that still felt as if something sickening sweet was being used that keep one in the dark.
A way to further explain this feeling is that, if someone, including a child, had a philosophical question and were told to just go look at the flowers, relax with the clouds in the sky, and so on - it leaves one with a strange feeling - at best. Kind of "blah."
No, my mom was not the source of this. Actually, she tried to answer my spiritual questions. I remember being a child, sitting in the backseat of the car, and asking my parents: "Where is God?" That surprised them. ha. They briefly talked, and my mother replied: "Oh God is everywhere." I said: "Where? I don't see Him." She said: "He's in the trees, just everywhere." So I looked out the window of the car. Even tho I could not see God in the grass or trees :) it was a good, philosophical answer. Though that's all that could be given to me.
As I've mentioned in the past so won't go too into it, I was raised Christian. Shouldn't that have filled me? It helped, but no, it was insufficient. It did not offer much of a real or daily process on how to connect with God, or how to live a life in consciousness of God. Mostly faith, an occasional prayer, and Bible reading - which was hard to understand as a teenager.
Anyhow, once I added Krishna according to Prabhupada's method, everything became complete. I felt fulfilled. And the flowers now are even more beautiful. They are the artwork of Krishna! Tho I still don't like my mothers music ha, but respect it and her choice.
I write this post in part because I don't want anyone else to miss out, as it is common for adults to think that which is sattvic or in the mode of goodness such as flowers - to be sufficient, only to leave themselves or child shortchanged. Please add Krishna to your life in whatever capacity you can, and allow yourself to feel the completeness increase. Share Him with your children / grandchildren in a blissful way so that in addition to giving them a connection with God that is easy, they can also appreciate the beauty around them, because without Krishna being consciously recognized as the cause / artist of that, goodness alone is not enough. It may even become boring. Dull. It can actually put a damper on imagination and creativity. Just blah.
Srila Prabhupada has explained that the mode of goodness or Sattva, can be used as a stepping stone toward spiritual life, but it is not in and of itself, spiritual life.
With the recent passing of my husband, I am more and more thankful to have found Krishna the Supreme Personality of Godhead. No one lives forever. We plan for college funds, we make medical plans or join HMO's, we buy Life Insurance. But do we cross our fingers and hope for the best when it comes to the temporariness of this life? We need to buy Soul Insurance. :) And it's free.
In addition to any other plans, let us also make a plan to keep Krishna in our life, in our homes. Who knows what is next in this yuga/age. A few days or so prior to this posting, there was Hurricane Helene. Some even died as a result. :( It appears as if every time I turn around, it's something.
Of course there are good things going on, without a doubt. And lots of it. Simply goodness alone - gardens and flowers and even the stars - do not offer the full impact of their beauty when Krishna is left out. Draw Him in. :) Chant, and be happy.
